Did you know that the picnic, as we understand the word today, was a Victorian invention? Of course people had taken meals outdoors since the invention of the house, but the occasion was usually associated with hunting or the need to view cherry blossoms. In Victorian England, however, it became the smart thing to do, since the Queen herself was known to enjoy family picnics on her many estates.

I have a photograph (above) of one of the Queen’s picnics. It looks utterly dreary to me. The Queen appears to be sitting on a chair, though her skirts are so wide it’s hard to tell. She may just have had short legs. A disorganized group of men, women and children stand around her; the effect is rather like one of those road repair occasions when one municipal worker stands in a hole while ten others hang around watching.

One theory for the picnic boom was that the rules of etiquette for social events at home had become so complicated that people just wanted to break away, kick back, and let it all hang out in rural surroundings. Well, maybe, but there were rules about picnics, too. Here is a short summary of what I can assure you is a very long and complex subject, culled from books such as “Decorum: a practical treatise on etiquette and dress”, which was published in Chicago in 1877, so we can’t entirely blame the Brits for all this nonsense.

First, you shouldn’t have a lot of servants around on your picnic, so you sent them on ahead with the food, which they left in the chosen spot, then went away. Presumably to hide in the bushes until it was time to clear up the mess. The choice of location was important: there should be shade (because it is difficult for a lady to hold a parasol and eat at the same time), care should be taken to avoid anthills, and on no account, however sublime the view, should a picnic take place at the top of a precipitous cliff. Why? Because women have delicate nerves and are alarmed by heights, stupid.

Though there would be no hot dishes the food could be just as sumptuous as eating at home. Isabella Beeton suggests 35 substantial dishes for a party of 40, and one authority anticipated the cooler by suggesting that the iced champagne should be wrapped in wet newspapers for the trek into the wild.

In the absence of servants the gentlemen were expected to wait on the ladies, fetching and carrying tidbits at their every whim, and even venturing into the rough to bring back a wild flower that may have taken a lady’s fancy. But however great the temptation, no gentleman was allowed to sit on the ground when a lady was also sitting. I don’t quite understand this taboo: maybe it was based on a misunderstanding of the human reproductive process.

After the meal, it was suggested that gentlemen with musical talents should produce their instruments and entertain the group. Failing that, games could be played; games such as tag, croquet, and blindman’s buff (another good reason for avoiding precipitous drop-offs).

One popular game was to be strictly avoided. It was permissible for a couple to stroll away from the group in search of better vistas or wilder butterflies, but woe betide any lady who was out of sight for an extended period of time. She ran the risk of never being invited to another picnic. We are not told what the punishment was for the gentleman who accompanied her: perhaps it was marriage.

The event might end with a nice cuppa, because afternoon tea had recently been invented by one of the Queen’s Ladies in Waiting, as a remedy for the “sinking feeling” that she experienced in late afternoon. To produce the necessary fresh boiling water the servants would have packed-in a kerosene stove.

So – if the sun shines on Monday, do the Victorian thing and celebrate the old lady’s 184th birthday with a picnic. Now that you know the rules.

- pam@gulfislandswireless.com